Melts My Heart

You remember that Lenten reading schedule I made for the kids? The one complete with activities? Well, apparently, that was a huge hit with the kids. It opened up the door for a lot of discussion around our house. Some that was odd (When Lazarus was resurrected, did he have to heal from his decomposition wounds or were they completely healed when he was raised?) and some that was tough (In glorified bodies, will we have need to eat? Will we want to eat?). The kids loved the crafts. They soaked up the information like little sponges. 

Imogene went to her Dad sometime this week with a request. She had seen a figurine in a catalogue (girl loves catalogues) and she wanted to get it for me to thank me for all I put into their Lent activities. (I know! Talk about teary eyed!) Of course, Dad couldn’t say no to that request. He took her to the store and the found just the figurine she had wanted to give. 

She gave it to me today and said, “Mom, I wanted you to have this because I am so thankful for all you’ve done for our Lent. You taught us more about God and did awesome crafts with us. I thought this one was perfect, because you keep telling us that we are the light of the world and we’re the light in the darkness, and she has a light.” 

Who says parenting is a thankless job? 

Carpet Cleaning

Before I do the unthinkable and show you my carpets, let me explain. I have 4 kids under 5. (Although, the Little Miss will be 6 next month, which kind of makes me sad.) And I have 2 dogs. And I’m clumsy. So, lots of spills. Second, my carpets are cheap. And I rent, so there is no replacing them. Yes, in an ideal world, I wouldn’t have cheap beige carpet, but my world isn’t ideal. My world just is. I am thankful for a home, even if I don’t own it. And I do absolutely everything I can to make our rental house a home. (I do occasionally get pretty bummed about the whole renting thing. Then I remind myself that I’m not in a tent in the desert following a cloud, and I realize I’m extremely fortunate for God’s provision, even if it isn’t a home we own and even if our rent is astronomically expensive. God has been faithful to provide for us each step of the way and this is not the worst place I’ve ever lived, though pretty close to the most expensive.)

I’m going to share with you my carpet cleaning tips and tricks. Bear in mind, my carpet is cheap and awful. There isn’t much I can do to make it worse than it already is. Also, using anything other than the carpet cleaner made by your steam cleaner manufacturer voids the warranty. But if you want clean carpets, their stuff just won’t work. So, you can either void the warranty and have clean carpets. Or follow their rules and still have stained ugly carpet.

 

These are the before pictures. I know. Don’t judge me. 4 kids. 2 dogs. Clumsy me. Plus we host a lot. Okay, I’m justifying. But this carpet has made me a carpet cleaning pro. I clean it often. I do this thorough steam clean about every 2 months. (Yeah. I know.)

Step 1: Clean you carpet with your steam cleaner with one scoop of OxiClean in the hot water. Do not use off brand OxiClean. Only use the real stuff. Believe me. The cheap version leaves a white residue on stuff. Plus it smells weird. So good stuff only. And when I say “clean your carpet” know I refilled my steam cleaner 6 times to get step 1 done.

Tip: Don’t forget your shoes are wet when you step from the carpet to your linoleum/hard woods to dump and refill. You’ll get hurt.

After you steam clean with OxiClean, you’ll look at your carpet and it will be miles better. At this point, some people would stop. Not me. Clearly it is better, but it isn’t great just yet. (And believe me, I do know that some amount of staining is just inevitable and I can live with it.)

Step 2: Get a bucket of soapy water and a scrub brush (I use some cheap dish scrubber I got at Dollar General the one time I was in that store.) and scrub the spots that didn’t come up. Today, I had several spots of chocolate. Why not scrub first? Well, over half of the “stains” on the carpet will come up with the steam cleaner, as you can see. So, saving the spot scrubbing cuts down on the number of spots you scrub. Don’t be afraid to get the carpet wet and soapy.

Step 3: Rinse your carpet with the steam cleaner. I rinse one time with just hot water in the cleaner. Then I go over it a second time with a few shakes of tea tree oil in the water in the steam cleaner. Tea tree oil is a natural anti-bacterial. Since I have a crawling baby and a toddler who often eats off the floor, I like feeling like my carpets actually are clean, not just look clean. Plus, the tea tree oil makes  the carpet smell really great. So, if you’re keeping count, that is 8 times I have filled up the steam cleaner. And yes, a couple hours of work. I didn’t claim it was easy. Just awesome.

 

 

Make sure you let it dry a bit before you put your furniture back in. (Tip: If any of your furniture is metal or has metal on the base, let the carpet dry COMPLETELY before putting the furniture back on it. Trust me, it will rust. And rust is not a stain that comes COMPLETELY clean.)

Are You Sure You’re 31?

The Pastor has a 31st birthday coming up. What did he ask for (for the second year in a row)? A bike. Yep. This year, I gave in and to the bike shop we went. We got this Felt for him. He loves it.

He wrecked on is first trek. No worries, the bike is fine! But no one saw him wreck. Boo! Can you imagine driving down the road and seeing a 31 year old dude wreck his cruisin’ bike? We’re not talking racing bike. We’re talking a Cruiser. Ha! (And I hear this is common other places- it is not out here in the ‘burbs of Atlanta. He’s the only dude I’ve seen on a cruisin’ bike. Plenty of guys in spandex on racing bikes, but few just cruisin’ to the coffee shop. Maybe he’ll bring the cool here. We’ll see.)

The kids were stoked to see his boo-boo from his wreck. “You mean grown ups fall off their bikes, too?!” “No, not grown ups. Dad.” Ha! Okay, I’m poking a little too much fun. But he does love his new bike. And I’m glad to see he loves it even after wrecking it on the way to the coffee shop. Maybe I’ll sell his car.

33 Tips for Maintaining Your Sanity While Raising a Toddler

Meet Emery. Adorable. Right? Come on, you know that kid is cute. Life with Emery is not always easy. I know, I know. You’re looking at that angel face saying, “Certainly he is the most perfect child ever!” Okay, so you might not be saying quite that, but something along those lines. But this kid is a challenge. And it is my daily mission to stay sane, while raising him lovingly and letting him be who he is.

This isn’t my first trip to the Raising-A-Toddler rodeo, and it won’t be my last. I’ve still got years of this stuff ahead of me. I’ve learned some things along the way thus far. And I’m sure I’ll have plenty more of these tips once Ransom enters the ranks of toddlerhood. But for now, here are 33 tips for maintaining your sanity while raising a toddler. There may be some you just cannot do. And that’s cool. There may be some that you just don’t need with your perfectly behaved toddler. Okay. Lucky you. Some of these may be just the perspective changer you need.

1. Messes can be cleaned.

It doesn’t matter how big or small, know it can be cleaned. And if you don’t know how to clean it, grab some Dawn dish soap and jump right in. It can’t be worse than the mess in front of you, right?

2. If you are not willing to DO something about your toddler’s behavior, don’t SAY anything about it.

I call this “saving my nos.” You know there are times when you’re, say, melting chocolate on the stove and you notice your toddler taking book after book off the shelf into a room beyond your line of vision. You aren’t willing to leave the chocolate to burn, so you yell, “No! Stop taking books off the shelf!” Well, your toddler will likely not listen to you. You are then left in the predicament of continually yelling at a little person who now KNOWS you aren’t willing to actually DO anything or you just let it go, and you’ve wasted a “no”. (You said no, they didn’t listen, nothing happened.) You get your blood pressure up about it. And you aren’t even sure of what they are doing in the other room. You might be right, they might be making a book tower to stand on to grab that beautiful ceramic vase they’ve been eyeing for years. Or they might just be giving each stuffed animal a book to read. You don’t know. But to save yourself the future trouble of them testing your no and save yourself the headache of having to keep yelling at the kid when they have clearly tuned you out. Just keep melting the chocolate. You’ll deal with the mess later.

3. Toddler proofing is not the same as baby proofing, and you need to do it.

When your baby was small, you baby proofed your house. You crawled around looking for hidden dangers for baby. You cleared off the coffee table. You put foam edges on your hearth. You plugged all the electrical outlets. But now, that baby is a toddler. And he can reach anything you can. Why? Because he can climb like a frickin’ monkey. (Seriously, Emery can scale walls!) So, that baby proofing you did just isn’t enough. You’ve got to tether the furniture to the walls. Anything of value needs to find a home in a box and hang out in the attic for a few years. Because, let’s face it, those peanut butter covered finger are just drawn to whatever it is Mommy finds most valuable to her. Wedding photos meet sharpie. First edition signed copy of a book, rip….. Glass vase passed down every generation on your wedding day- crash! Save yourself the headache and heartache and just put them away. (And by away, I mean far, far away. The top shelf might be 7 feet high, but your toddler can still get to it.)

4. Embrace the zen of things being already broken.

I once read an article about embracing the zen of toys being broken when you get them. Basically, you get something new and in your mind, the thing is broken. You spend each day that it isn’t broken excited, and loving it for the time. But when the day comes and the thing breaks, you don’t grieve, for it was already broken. Sounds strange. Sounds crazy. But it works. And it doesn’t just work for toys! It works for that awesome coffee cup you just bought. Or those lovely stemless wine glasses that you have been eyeing and finally possess. One day, they’ll break. View that as an inevitability. And when the day comes, and your coffee cup breaks (in the hands of your toddler, I’m sure) or your set of 8 wine glasses is down to 3, you’ll be okay. You won’t be upset. Because you viewed these as transient things.  You enjoyed them while they were whole, and now you can move on.

5. Don’t buy double rolls of toilet paper!

But I’ll have to change my toilet paper more often! Hear me out, here. You buy a double roll, you use it for a few days, then your toddler decides to put the end in the toilet and flush, watching the whole roll unravel on its way down. You just wasted over half of your double roll! Buy the single rolls. When your toddler has his inevitable toilet paper adventures, less paper waste and lesser chance of a clogged toilet. Embrace the single roll!

6. Don’t get over-zealous about potty training.

You know, one of the most stressful events with a toddler is not the messes he makes or the things he breaks. It is teaching him to quit pooping himself. Most parents really stress themselves out over potty training. They have some self-imposed deadline in their head and their child will be potty trained by the deadline, dagnabit! Only, the toddler isn’t aware of the deadline. The toddler isn’t even completely convinced in the necessity of using the toilet. And so the battle begins. I battled with my first with the potty. I begged. I cried. I bribed. I gave up. I resolved to get her on that blasted pink potty! She eventually got it. She’s 5 and she can use the toilet now, praise the Lord. I stressed us both out over something she was eventually going to get. My stressing over it and pushing her did not help her in the least. It did not help me in the least. Aidan got a bit forgotten in the potty training area. I potty trained Imogene and needed a break, though it was “his turn” since he is not too much younger than his sister. I didn’t bother, citing that boys needed longer anyway and I needed a potty training break. Guess what? He still learned to use the potty. On his own. No tears from me. No begging. No bribing. He figured it out all on his own. Now, he is that kind of kid. (You know the type. Engineer brain, I call him. He sees the way things work and he applies it for himself.) But the point is, he learned without my efforts. So, don’t stress out over it. They’ll get it soon enough and diaper days will be behind you.

7. Don’t compare toddlers!

If you’ve got more than 1 child, you know that no two kids are alike. Yet, you’ll often find yourself comparing what your younger one is doing compared to your recollection of what the older one was doing around the same age. You’ll find yourself comparing your toddler to the one you see at the park. Stop it. Stop comparing. You’ll only frustrate yourself. The kid you see at the park, you see for just a few moments of her day. You don’t see the little train wreck she is a bed time or the way she pitches a royal-knock-down-drag-out fit if she even senses healthy food of any sort in her vicinity. Assume you see every toddler at their best. (Or, if you see their fall-on-the-floor-thrash-around fit, assume they are at their worst.) But don’t compare. I’ve had 3 toddlers thus far and can tell you they are each very different and each complicated in their own way. So what if Suzy 2 year old can recite her ABCs and count to 20. Your kid can climb trees higher than most adults!

8. Find a way to internally mock those “my kid is better than yours” or “I know everything” parents.

I’m not saying be mean to them. I’m just saying, take lightly everything they say. So, Suzy can count to 20. I’m sure there is something Suzy cannot do. Don’t let Suzy’s Mom make you feel like a bad parent. Your kids are different. You are different. She doesn’t know your kid. She doesn’t parent your kid. You re the expert on your child. Ignore Suzy’s Mom. Making a farce of such parents will keep you from taking their criticisms and “advice” to heart. It’ll keep you sane.

9. Don’t be embarrassed by your toddler’s escapades- they are no reflection on your parenting ability.

People without toddlers look at a tantrum and say, “Look at that horribly parenting. If that were my child I would, blah de blah blah. And furthermore, my child will never behave in that manner!” If you’ve ever had a toddler, you look at a toddler’s tantrum and say, “Man! I remember those days! Stay strong, Mama. This too shall pass.” See, there is always going to be someone in the crowd (usually the least experienced) who will have some critique and assume your parenting is to blame. But the majority of the crowd knows that this is just what it is like living with a toddler! So ignore the few that don’t have a clue what they’re talking about. Ignore those shocked stares. Let your toddler pitch his fit because his Happy Meal now comes with fries and apples. (How dare they give me both and not let me choose anymore!) The “experts” around you (those normal moms who have toddlers or have had them) sympathize. Don’t feel the least bit bad or guilty. Toddlers pitch fits. Some more than others. You’re still a good mom. (And in my book, you get bonus points for continuing on your merry way and not let the fit even so much as faze you. I know you are my sister, a girl after my own heart!

10. What works for one toddler, will not work for all toddlers. What works for one mom, will not work for all moms.

You’ve been on the internet (you’re on it now!), you’ve read all the advice from all the “experts” about how to potty train, how to get your kid to eat better, how to limit temper tantrums, how to stop your toddler from biting. You’ve tried some of this sage advice. You feel like a failure when it doesn’t work. Wait! What happened?! Andrew’s Mother swore up and down bitter apple would stop my child from biting his brother again! But it just made my child more angry and he bit me! What did I do wrong?! You didn’t do anything wrong. You just aren’t raising Andrew. (And I do not recommend bitter apple for biting. I’ve never even heard of using it with kids, only dogs. So don’t try it and cite me on it.) You’re not Andrew’s mom. So, though the “experts” may claim (and I always check and see if the expert has even raised children) a fool-proof plan to sneak veggies into your child’s diet, know your child may not be fooled. There is no one size fits all advice for toddlers. There is no one size fits all advice for parenting. I’ve got 4 kids and have to do things differently for all 4. You think you’ve got this parenting thing in the bag, and then the next kid doesn’t respond to your ways. Nothing is wrong with them, or you. You’ve just got to adjust and adapt.

11. Just because he likes it today, doesn’t mean he’ll like it tomorrow. (Just because it works today, doesn’t mean it will work tomorrow.)

These toddlers are fickle little things. Today, string cheese is their favorite snack in the world! Tomorrow, they throw the cheese at you and scream! (You fool! Don’t you know string cheese is out! Fruit leather is the new string cheese! Sheesh.) Today, you find he’ll actually clean up his own toys if you play the “Clean It Up” song by Yo Gabba Gabba. Tomorrow, you turn the magic tunes on and he makes a bigger mess! Don’t fret. Toddlers are fickle. It isn’t you. Just roll with it.

12. Put the number for poison control on speed dial.

You know, the moment your kid ingests floor cleaner is usually a few moments after he flushed that poison control magnet down the toilet. Go ahead and put the number on speed dial. And don’t worry, poison control assures me that they aren’t tracking my calls for investigative purposes. (Yes, I called so much I had to ask.)

13. Put the number to the local Children’s Hospital Nurse Line on speed dial.

You’re at the playground, suddenly the stick that was a pretend sword is now in your toddlers eye. You’ll be glad you’ve got the nurse line on your speed dial to determine if your should take your toddler to your regular doctor, urgent care, or the ER.

14. “Child Proof” is a relative term.

When dealing with a toddler, “child proof” simply means it buys you a little time before they get into whatever it is you’re trying to keep them from. They’ll eventually figure out those cabinet locks. They’ll eventually figure out the child-proof medicine tops. The trick is to not give them long with those things, so hopefully you don’t have to call poison control. With a toddler, you want to double and triple up your child-proof stuff. (Medicine in a child-proof bottle, inside a tote with a latch, inside a cabinet with a lock.) Hopefully you’ll catch them before they get through all layers of protection.

15. Switch to more child-friendly cleaners, at least while they’re in this phase of life.

I know, you love your bleach and ammonia. But how much are you going to love your toddler getting into those things? Consider switching to more kid-friendly cleaners, at least until this exploring and destroying phase is over. (Fabuloso is safe-ish around toddlers. It is just soap, so drinking it just upsets the tummy. I know from personal experience.) Switch to vinegar or just soap and water.

16. “Spill-proof” is a relative term.

Spill -proof usually means that when the cup falls onto its side, it does not spill completely. However, when a toddler shakes it upside down, it might sprinkle. When they throw it against the wall, it might leak. And of course, they could just suck it out and spit it all over your white couch.

17. Lids are a must on all cups- even yours.

You think to put your toddler’s drink in a spill-proof sippy, but what about your sweet tea you keep with you all day? Put a lid on that, too. It won’t keep it from getting spilled, but it will minimize the mess when it is spilled. Consider travel cups for everything anyone in the house is drinking that isn’t at the dinner table.

18. Invest in a steam cleaner.

If you’ve got carpet and a toddler, you need a steam cleaner. Even if you have your carpet professionally cleaner twice a year, you need a steam cleaner. Some messes are just less stressful with a steam cleaner around.

19. Remember, your main goal of the toddler years is simply keeping the child alive.

If your toddler is alive at the end of the day, you’ve done your job. It doesn’t matter that all they’ve eaten is dog food and they’re covered in marker. They are living. No permanent damage has been rendered to them today. Good job, mom!

20. Delight in small victories.

Life with a toddler can be rough. It is easy to get bogged down. You’ve cleaned mess after mess, the house is still a wreck, the kid is throwing his umpteen-thousandth temper tantrum, and you’re about to loose you shmidt. Learn to celebrate your small victories! He colored mostly on the paper with the Sharpie this time, only a few marks on the table- that is improvement! He ate 2 beans at dinner tonight when yesterday he tossed his plate against the wall. Winning! He brought me a book to read to him! Sure he only sat for a few pages, but he is interested in reading! Yes!

21. The cuter the outfit, the more staining the mud/lipstick/paint.

It never fails, I put my toddler in the most adorable outfit and before we even get out of the house, it’s ruined. And not ruined like, he can’t wear it today. Ruined like, he’ll never wear this again. It just seems to always happen. The cuter the outfit is one him, the bigger and deeper the stain. Save your sanity. Enjoy the cute outfit for the two seconds it is cute. If you have to, put it on them and take a picture immediately. We all know the outfit will never be the same. (This is why I laugh when people say, “Oh, you’ve got three boys! At least you already have all the boy stuff to pass down.” Pass down? What’s that? Do boy’s clothes beyond a certain size make it out in one piece?)

22. If you don’t make the most of unconventional canvases, they will.

Toddlers love to make messes. It is just part of their little natures. If you don’t provide unconventional canvases to make messes upon, they’ll find their own. So, let them color the side of the house with chalk. Let them use the chalk to “decorate” your brick hearth. Because if I’ve got to choose between cleaning chalk of the hearth at the end of the day and cleaning Sharpie off my white chenille bed spread, I’m going with the hearth. (The second is impossible.) Their messes will be made. So take advantage of opportunities to put the messes in the best place for you.

23. The second you try to show them off, they’ll act a fool.

Emery can count. He can count very well. The second I say, “Emery, show Mrs. Jan how you can count.” he acts out. Not just folding his arms and refusing to count (though he has done so before). But yelling, screaming, kicking, “Noooo!”

Emery tells jokes. He only knows one joke, but varies it constantly. If I say, “Emery, tell Daddy your joke.” That kid will act like I’ve got two heads. Suddenly the word “joke” has no meaning. So, I prompt him. “Say, ‘Knock, knock!’” “No!” “Come on Emery. ‘Knock, knock!’” “NOOOOO!!!!”

24. Don’t take it personally.

They love you. Really they do. Screaming “No!” in your face and then throwing a cookie at you isn’t a personal affront. They don’t think poorly of you just because they scream “SHUT UP!” when you say, “I love you, sweet boy.” None of it is personal. It isn’t you against them. It is just them learning how the world works. (And by all means, you can tell them not to tell you to shut up or tell them they hurt your feeling. Though, I wouldn’t expect empathy- they’ve got none. Little sociopaths.) So, don’t get your feelings hurt when they refuse your kisses. They are just flexing their autonomy. It’s nothing personal.

25. They do not like age appropriate toys.

Save your money, they aren’t going to play with that toddler toy that is “all the rage.” Being a top toy only means that lots of parents buy it, not that lots of kids like it. You get them a play broom, they’ll still scream for the Swiffer. You get them a play kitchen, they’ll still be up under your feet to “help” you cook. Toddlers like the real thing. No fakes. So, shorten the Swiffer and let them to town. (You can actually shorten a Swiffer to be kid sized. Just remove one of the rods in the handle.) Give them a duster and let them work. Hand over spoons and bowls and let them play.

26. Limit your expectations.

They are toddlers. It is a difficult transition phase for you. They were your baby, now they are growing. As they grow, it is easy to have unrealistic expectations. While we can’t treat them like babies, we also can’t expect 5 year old behavior from a 2 year old. Just because they can sometimes help pick up toys doesn’t mean we can expect them to keep their rooms clean. Just because they sometimes refrain from taking the toys of others, doesn’t mean we expect them to be self-giving all the time. Anytime you find yourself frustrated that your toddler isn’t behaving as they should, think about what it is you are expecting of them and decide if it is an acceptable expectation. Don’t sell them short, but don’t hold such high standards they’ll always fail.

27. Don’t expect them to just go with the flow.

There are toddlers who go with the flow. It is built into their little personalities. They’ll always be that way. Everyone cannot be that way. So while you may wish you’re little one would just go with the flow, he may be yelling, “Go with the flow?! Woman! I am the flow!” And you know what? The world needs those kinds of people. Yes, they are inconvenient toddlers, but they make awesome leaders.

28. Bribes just don’t work. Save your breath and money.

Bribing a toddler is a futile activity. They just don’t really get the whole delayed gratification bit, which is what a bribe is. Putting aside the discussion on if it is best or not for kids, plain and simple, it just doesn’t work for toddlers. You may find it works one day, because the kid is tired of feeling amicable that day. But you’ll find that with a toddler, more often than not, your bribes will fail. So save your efforts and don’t bother attempting it.

29. You don’t have to entertain them all day.

That is a novel idea to some parents, I’m sure. But the fact is, your toddler will be happy, smart, and well-adjusted without your over-enthusiastic attempts to keep him that way. They can play alone. They can invent their own games. You don’t have to schedule activity after activity for them. It is okay to sit on the patio and read while they pick at blades of grass. You don’t have to be actively playing with them all day every day. Sure, there are times you’ll want to have a planned activity for them, but they flourish with free time. I know you think, “Lordy me! He’s just bored to death. He’s just piling up rocks and then moving the pile! I need to do something with him.” But stop! He’s learning. He’s exploring. He’s safe. He’s happy. You can sit back, drink your lemonade and continue reading your Sookie Stackhouse novel. If you’ve been entertaining your kid every hour of the day, you may find him resistant to playing alone at first. Encourage him to spread his little wings. He’ll be entertaining himself in no time.

30. Enlist in the help of his little friends.

Sometimes, talking through toys is the best way to get your toddler to listen. With Emery, that means talking to Ribbert, his Scentsy Buddy. A few evenings in a row, Emery suddenly HATED the concept of bedtime. This, from a kid who would BEG to go to bed just 8 months before. I tried talking to Emery. I tried just making him go to bed and protest and keep putting him back in bed. In desperation, I turned to Ribbert. I said, “Ribbert, stop screaming at me!” Immediately, Emery was quite. I continued, “Ribbert, it is bedtime. There willl be plenty of time to play tomorrow, but tonight, you must go to bed.” Emery joined in, “To bed, Ribbert!” I tucked Emery and Ribbert in bed. “Would you like me to sing ou a song or tell you a stroy, Ribbert?” Emery replies, “He like song. Twinkle. Twinkle.” I sang the song. Kissed Emery and Ribbert, and they were in bed. Suddenly, it wasn’t a power struggle to Emery. I took it from being between me and Emery and made it between me and Ribbert. Emery was moved from his spot as being in the fight for control to being an observer. He was free to “give in” without loosing his autonomy. I gave him an out to stop fighting.

It won’t always work. (See the previous point about everything not working for every kid, every time!) But if you’ve tried everything else, give it a shot. if nothing else, it lightens the mood.

31. Give them options, but not too many!

Toddlers are learning that they can control things. They are suddenly the boss of their world. From babies being carried about with no control over who was holding them, where they were, what they ate, or what the wore they move into this new stage where they can cause things to happen. If they scream loud enough, long enough, they get their way. They want choices, dangit! The trick is to give them options so they can choose. Let them have some control in their lives. But don’t overwhelm them. I usually give two options when I can. At bedtime, I pull out two sets of pjs. This turns the tables. It isn’t about if they’ll consent to wearing the pjs, it is about which pjs they’ll wear. The same goes for snack time. The entire contents of the kitchen aren’t up for grabs (it would take forever, and many mind changes to get him settled on anything). He can choose a banana or some cheese crackers. He’s happy. I’m happy.

Of course, there are times when neither of the two options is sufficient. That happens. Stinkin’ tiny, cute dictators! You just have to know what things you’ll just let go and which are non-negotiable. Are pjs for bed a must or can they sleep in their diaper alone? Are you willing to say “no snack” or is it okay that they chose a fruit leather when you offered crackers or a banana. Is the couch an acceptable napping spot or do they really have to go to their bed, even if it means they won’t sleep? That stuff depends on you and what you know of them.

32. If it looks like poop, treat it like poop until it is proven otherwise.

If a toddler walks over to you holding anything that appears to be poop, you assume it is poop. If you find a “painting” on the wall and you think, “Is it chocolate or poop?” You treat it like poop. Never smell a toddler’s could-be-poop hands. You’ll just end up with poop on your nose. In the end, you’ll never regret treating the come-to-find-out-it-is-only-chocolate like poop. You will, however, regret assuming chocolate when it turns out to be poop. And 9 times out of 10, it’s poop.

33. Enjoy it. But don’t feel bad that you don’t enjoy the moment you’re cleaning human feces out of the carpet.

You know they’l only be toddlers once (Praise the Lord!). Take the time to enjoy the funny things they do and say. Enjoy watching them explore and learn. Celebrate this time with them. But don’t feel guilty that at times, you just can’t find the silver lining. Don’t feel bad about being annoyed that you’re steam cleaning chocolate footprints off the floor for the fourth time this week. (Blasted “fridge lock” never worked correctly!) Sometimes life with  toddler just sucks. Cleaning up their messes while being screamed at is no fun. Maybe you’ll laugh about this one day, but today, it ain’t funny.

Write down those messes they make. Maybe one day, you’ll get a book deal writing about all these escapades. That might make cleaning permanent marker off the hardwood floor worht it. Or maybe you’ll just pass your notes on to this toddler when he’s a grown man with his first child turning two. It just might bring him a bit of perspective. Or he’ll assume you are a vry lousy parent to allow him to stab his eyeball with fabric scissors not once, but twice! It’s okay. By the time his first child is 4, he’ll understand.

He’ll be a man one day. And this one, he’s going to be Chuck Norris.

Here We Go Again!

Sorry for the lack of new postings here lately. Ransom is 10 weeks old. He is a great baby, except that he likes to wake up every 2 hours at night to eat. So, I’m not sleeping extremely well these days. Although, Saturday night, he slept for a consecutive 6 hours! (Yay!) And then last night, he slept a consecutive 4 hours! So, maybe we’re making progress to sleeping longer periods of time. (Maybe.)

We are gearing back up for the scheduled life. Ugh. I wasn’t sure I’d make it through last year with the weekly ballet classes for Imo. But we made it, and we added Aidan’s baseball to the mix. Imogene will be taking ballet again this year (and she is super excited about having the same teacher). Aidan is signed up for fall ball. So, here in a couple weeks, we’ll be getting back into kids that have schedules.

I really don’t know how some people do it with the over-scheduled kids. Maybe they thrive on routine. Or maybe they think that is what it takes to be a good parent. I don’t know what motivates them. I don’t know what sustains them.

Aidan and Imogene did enjoy their activities. They enjoyed them enough to pester me over the summer about the fact that they weren’t going to ballet or baseball. And I survived the other parents. (Though there was one granny at baseball that almost got smacked by a very pregnant me.) Hopefully this will be a good year. Hopefully they’ll have fun. Hopefully I can do more than just survive this year.

And I’ll try to enjoy my last year with just 2 with schedules, before Emery joins their ranks next year.

Big Foot Cannot Hide From Me!

Bugaboo Creek left us. I know! So sad. I began thinking about their menu and what exactly I’d miss. Wedge salad? I can get that elsewhere. Steak? On every corner. Big foot cookie? Oh. My. Milk. Where on earth am I going to get a big foot cookie?!

What? You don’t know what a big foot cookie is? Giant chocolate chip cookie cooked and served in an iron skillet and topped with a scoop of vanilla ice cream. Now you see my panic! Now you are going crazy trying to figure out how you’ll ever have one of these awesome treats! Calm down. I figured it out. (With the help of The Pastor. That man can cook!) Now you can have a big foot cookie at home! (Send your waistline my apologies!)

Sorry that I couldn’t stop myself in time to get a picture of my cookie uneaten. I got too excited!

Get your iron skillet. We have a huge one and a not so huge one. (Very specific, huh?) Our not so huge skillet is bigger than the ones Bugaboo had, but what can you do? Rub butter all over the inside surface of your skillet. Sprinkle in crushed graham crackers in the bottom. (If you don’t have graham crackers, which I didn’t, use wheat germ and a pinch of brown sugar.) (I know. It is probably weird that I had wheat germ on hand but not graham crackers. That’s just how it is around the parsonage.) Take chocolate chip cookie dough and make a “pancake” out of it roughly the size of your skillet and about half the thickness of your skillet. Put it in the oven (on a typical 350 – 375 cookie baking temp) and wait! (It takes a good 40 minutes or so to bake, depending on your skillet size.) Once your cookie looks done (same eye you use for regular cookies- brown edges, golden top) take it out to cool. Don’t let it cool completely! Big foot cookies are best eaten hot! (Just not so hot you get 3rd degree burns in your mouth.) Add a scoop of vanilla ice cream straight on top of the cookie in the skillet, grab a spoon, an dig in! (You can share if you are so inclined.)

My Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Recipe:

- 2.25 c all-purpose flour

- 1 t baking soda

- 1/4 t salt

- 1 c butter

- 3/4 c sugar

- 3/4 c brown sugar

- 2 eggs

- 1 t vanilla extract

- 8 oz. chocolate chips of choice

Tea Party Birthday Party

Imogene turned 5 last week. I cannot believe how quickly time has passed. On one hand, yes, it seems like she was just born. But on the other hand, it does seem like she’s been with us forever, not just 5 short years. Anyway, for her party, she wanted a tea party. I declared that the party had to be outdoors and I would be “keeping it simple.” I somehow managed to stick to the simplicity despite her constant nagging about how fancy the party should be. I think I pulled off simple and fancy. (Though, it is my version of fancy, which is very shabby chic.) She was thrilled and I didn’t go into labor with all the work, so I’m calling it a job well done!

Remember me raving about the cookbook Sweet Chic? Well, these vanilla cookies covered in colored sugar came from that cookbook. They look amazing. So pretty. (The trick to get the sugar to stay on in such quantities is to use an egg white wash on the cut cookies before baking and sprinkle the sugar on before you bake. The egg white glues the sugar onto the cookie.) They tasted amazing. I didn’t have a single cookie left over.

I got 3 pots of Mexican Heather to put on the tables. (Which will now be planted in the yard.) I just put some pink tulle around the pots to make them look fancier.

I searched high and low for cups for the party. Imogene insisted we use fancy cups and not just plastic Dixie cups. It finally occurred to me the week of the party what to do! I went to TJ Maxx and looked in their clearance section for cups. I found several boxes of random glasses for $4 and $5 a box. So, I bought 26 random glasses (some wine glasses, a few highballs) for $20. I figured if the kids broke them, they weren’t my crystal glasses or anything, so I really wouldn’t care. Turns out, not a single glass got broken. (Had I used my crystal, at least half of them would have been broken. But since I planned for the breaking, none got broken.) Kids love drinking out of wine glasses. I’m not really sure why, but even the boys thought it was great.

Also from the book Sweet Chic came these yummy little cupcakes. These are vanilla cupcakes with vanilla buttercream icing. I colored the icing the yummy yellow color. I’m really not very good at cake decorating. Actually, truth be told, I am very bad at it. So, I make cupcakes. Imogene picked the pearl sprinkles and the icing color. They were also very, very yummy. Seriously, this vanilla buttercream icing is some of the most tasty icing I’ve ever had in my life. I know they aren’t beautiful, but they were super yummy. And since it was so hot, the icing was getting a bit melty sitting out. So, it is probably a good thing I didn’t try to make them beautiful.

It was a tea party, but not a hot tea party. (It is summer in Georgia, after all.) We had a sweet tea bar instead. We had blackberries, peaches, lemons, limes, and mint to mix into your sweet tea to make in fancy. It was a hit! Everyone, kids and adults, seemed to enjoy mixing their fancy sweet tea and experimenting with flavors. (Blackberry mint was a big hit. My personal favorite was lime and mint. Yum.)

The birthday girl getting ready to blow out her candles. I realized when putting up pictures, that I completely failed to get a good shot of her in her dress. Ugh. Fail on my part, since the dress was so very cute.

Here is the closest to a full shot of the dress. It is a pillowcase dress with one bigger ruffle around the bottom and 3 rows of ruffles on the top front. I didn’t use a pattern, I was just winging it. Imogene picked out her fabric (she loves picking out her own fabric) and then asked that I make a dress with “fruffles on the bottom and lots of fruffles on the top.” She was thrilled with the outcome. It did look a little busy once she put on several necklaces with the ruffles at the top.

I put pillowcases on the backs of the folding chairs, then tied pink tulle (she picked that out, too) around the chairs. I made the pillowcases with fabric from my stash. I’ve been trying to get my stash down to a normal size and use a lot of it up. This party turned into the perfect opportunity to thin my stash!

To make the pillowcases: Cut the fabric length to between 32″ and 36″. (Finished length should be between 31″ and 34″.) You’ll use the whole width of the fabric. Just fold the fabric in half, selvage to selvage, with the wrong side of the fabric together and sew the top and side. Finish the seams the way you like. (I serge mine.) Hem the bottom open end. And you’re done. Once you figure out how to make a solid one, you can experiment with piecing different fabrics together for different looks. Add piping, ribbon, bias tape, ruffles, etc. as you see fit. They really are quick and fun. (Plus, you could make them as gifts. Kids LOVE having their own special pillowcase. With all the fun novelty fabric out there, you could make a special pillowcase for every kid in your life.)

I also made the tablecloths with stash fabric. My tables were 8 foot long folding tables (borrowed from the church). I cut random pieces of fabric in random lengths. (I kept a pad of paper next to the ironing board and wrote down the lengths as I cut them.) When I got to around 9 ft. (108″) I quit cutting. I pieced all those together, lining up one side of the selvages. I sewed the cut sides together. When I had all of them sewn together, I used a yard stick to even out the selvage side that was uneven. (Some fabrics are 44″ wide, some are 45″, and some are closer to 42″. I just picked the shortest side and cut all the others to match it.) I then had a 9 ft. long (maybe a couple inches more) and about 40″ (plus an inch or two) wide piece of fabric. I knew that would cover the table, but wouldn’t give much “hang” over the sides. So, I grabbed another piece of fabric and 3 pieces 10″ long. I sewed those strips together selvage to selvage. Then, I sewed that long strip down the side (just pick one of the 9ft. sides) of the larger piece. You’ll have some leftover when you get to the end. Just grab a rule and cut it off, making sure the corner is squared. I serged all the seams on the back of the tablecloth. I then serged around all the edges. That is it. If you don’t have a serger, you’ll have to finish you edges some other way. (I’d recommend a double fold hem, even though it’d take some time.) You could tuck under your serged edges and finish them, but I just left them. I used blue and green serging thread, so the edges looked pretty neat just serged.

I also made homemade popsicles. Of course, I have no pictures of them. They were Southern Sweet Tea Popsicles from the book Pops! I bought a popsicle mold (well, 2) that I could use wooden popsicle sticks in. I made the popsicles and put them into little Wilton bags. (I think they were large sucker bags or something.) Then, everyone had a little bag with a popsicle inside. They were a big hit. Very yummy. They were super strong, super sweet tea base with peaches and mint added to them. The frozen peach slices in the popsicles were heavenly. Seriously. I’m not sure I can ever go back to buying boxes of popsicles now that I know I can make my own gourmet popsicles for half the cost that taste 10x better! Kids and adults LOVED the popsicles.

As far as activities went, I didn’t plan any. I’m not big on planning out birthday party activities. It just isn’t my thing. It stresses me out to keep things on track and I stress the kids out trying to keep them on task. We put our kid size play tables in the driveway and set a box of sidewalk chalk on them, several containers of bubbles, and a few jump ropes on them. We also had a few of the kids outdoor riding toys out (not planned, I just forgot to put them in the garage). That was plenty to keep the kids all entertained and happy for 2 hours. The adults sat sipping sweet tea and eating cupcakes and cookies while the kids ran around the yard, drew pictures in the driveway, and blew millions of bubbles. Aidan also showed everyone how he rides his inchworm down our front sidewalk. (It really isn’t something for the faint of heart. That boy is going to be into extreme sports, I just know it.) Of course, none of the other kids were really brave enough to try it. (Or their parents were really into letting them try such a feat.) But he had fun showing them how fast the inchworm could go. (And if you have a reckless boy of your own, I will say that an inchworm down a hill is much better than most of the other riding toys we own. The inchworm can only move forward, so there is no accidental rolling backward down the hill on their way up the hill. It also only goes straight. No steering wheel. That greatly reduces the turn overs on the way down. You may want to look into buying your little daredevil one.)

All in all, I think the party was a success. And it was pretty easy to pull off. (I did have to make a schedule for the food making, since I didn’t want to get stuck having to do it all the day of the party. A week before, I made the first batch of popsicles. The Monday before, I made the second batch of popsicles. The Wednesday before, I made the cookies. The day before, which was Thursday, I made the cupcakes and the icing, but didn’t put them together. The day of, I iced the cupcakes. The Pastor made the tea and the ice. Then, an hour before the party, we set up everything.)

“New” Chair

My darling boys decided to destroy an awesome gold armchair we inherited from The Pastor’s grandparents. Seriously, I think I may be the only person who loved the gold crushed velvet chair, but it was totally awesome. The Pastor was pretty sad about the boys ripping open the cushion and popping off buttons. He was much more sentimentally attached to the chair.

Imagine his delight when I said, “I think I can fix this!” He, of course, wasn’t quite aware of my plan to fix it, but he was happy that I was doing something to salvage the beloved chair. Off I went to the fabric store and bought some super awesome fabric. No, they didn’t have crushed god velvet. Darn. I settled on a pretty bird print. I thought it would match my living room much more than it does, but it is awesome enough that I may redecorate around it.

I stripped all the old gold fabric off. (This is the part where The Pastor asked me if I knew what I was doing or had I simply gone mad. I replied that I was not crazy, and sort of kind of knew what I was doing.) The most tedious part was getting 40 year old staples out of the wood. Then, I reupholstered the chair in the new, beautiful fabric. I was planning to somehow attach the seat cushion to the chair to prevent my boys from ripping it off and using it as a trampoline, but I just couldn’t figure it out. I ended up making a new cover for it and it remains separate. I didn’t make a new skirt, because I felt the skirtless look updated the chair a bit, bringing it a more modern look. I also adding the brown stuff (I have no clue what that stuff is called. I bought it by the yard next to the window trims, tassels, and things.) to cover my staple lines.

I love it! It is not quite as comfy (I mean, crushed gold velvet is pretty awesome stuff to sit on) but it sure looks better!

16 weeks

I meant to update after my doctor’s visit yesterday about how everything is going. I am 16 weeks and 2 days in the picture above (taken today). I went to see my doctor yesterday after the snow cancelled my appointment last week. I saw Tia this week, Dr. T’s new nurse practitioner. I like her. I had been warned that she is a little obsessive about weight gain in pregnancy, so I was nervous that I was going to have gained too much. But, I actually lost a little in the past month, so I’m up to a grand weight gain of 1 and a half pounds so far in this pregnancy. I’m not sure how that is even possible since I feel so much bigger than before. And not bigger in a cute, my-belly-is-big-and-cute, way but in a I-look-like-I’ve-been-packing-away-too-many-Twinkies way. Not cute at all. But I haven’t gained weight and I have been eating well. (Although I do have a new obsession with frozen yogurt, but it is LOW FAT, so back off.) I declined all the typical screening stuff, since I wasn’t willing to do any follow up on it. (Read: I am not, under any circumstances, getting an amnio. So any poor results from blood test would just have to wait until the big day to see if they’re right or wrong. No real point in that.) Everything looks great with the baby. Imogene went with us to the appointment and got to see baby Charlie on ultrasound. She kept asking me if everything tickled. She thought ultrasound gel was hilarious. She kept waving at the baby on the screen. She even asked Tia why the picture wasn’t very good. She then informed Tia that her book (“From Conception To Birth”) has much better pictures.

So, what is next? Well, I started exercising more. Hopefully I can keep up a good schedule and keep it up. Healthy mommy = healthy baby. We are deciding if we will or won’t do the 20 weeks anatomy screen. I’d love the nice ultrasound, but I’m not sure I’d like to talk to another doctor. Doesn’t sound so fun. We are looking for a doula. Hopefully we’ll secure someone before too long. And I’m going to keep up the good work on eating well. Hopefully I’ll start looking more pregnant than just fat. 16 weeks and NO ONE in public has asked if I’m expecting. Not a single mom at ballet has noticed. I’m beginning to get a complex.

Snow and Spam

So, the dreaded winter storm hit the parsonage about 30 minutes ago. It is snowing pretty hard for us southerners. Not sure what it will amount to, but my children will inevitably be chomping at the bit to get out in it at an unreasonable hour. Why do they wake up so stinkin’ early when it snows? Is it a light thing? I mean, being surrounded by a virtual forest usually ensures me sleep until 8:30. 9:30 on an overcast day. But have it snow, and they’re up at 6 am and begging to get out in the nasty, cold, wet stuff. (I’m not a fan of snow. Or cold for that matter. I think when I retire, I’ll move somewhere tropical. But then I’d have hurricanes and after Katrina, I’m not up for another one of those.) In fact, I just looked up and Aidan put on his rain boots and is walking out the back door! BRB! ………. Okay! So, that boy is silly. And why isn’t he in bed?! Anyway. So, yeah, snow. It is here. It is white. It is cold.

So, I’m reading through some of my spam comments (yeah, I read the spam comments) and I find that one is not spam, but one is hilarious. Like, laughing out loud funny… Great… now Imogene has on rain boots, mittens, and her sleeveless pajamas and is trying to go outside. Will they stop this snow induced insanity? Okay, where was I? Oh yes, spammers cracking me up. So, usually I get generic spam, sometimes it isn’t even English or isn’t coherent sentences. Today, I find an invitation to a “beach body” contest! Ha! I can see my 15 week, pale pregnant self in a “beach body” contest. If we are talking about the bodies we normally see at the beach in terribly ill fitting swimsuits, then, yeah, I’d take home first prize. But in the traditional sense of “beach body,” I’m not even ranking on that one. I’d be that one crazy person that enters those contests thinking they are hot stuff for one reason or another and ends up looking like a complete doofus next to the other bronzed, sculpted bodies. (Not that I want that kind of body- I do not. Ever. I prefer my pale, happy, healthy self. I’m just saying I’m not winning any bikini contests any time soon.) Thank you, clueless spammer, for the laugh.

Back to the snow, The Pastor (who, BTW, is blogging again) is now taking the kids out because there is no getting them back in the bed without seeing the once in a blue moon. Isn’t he sweet. I told them tough luck. It is cold. And wet. And holy moly there is a lot of accumulation in just half an hour. Yeah, you’ve got to see pictures of that!

And of course, since now our road is completely impassable, the local idiot brigade is trying to shovel a car’s way down the street. Yep. That is how people down here think. Oh, 3 inches in 30 minutes, yeah get shoveling! I guess they are planning to shovel the car inch by inch to wherever it is they think they need to go right this second. Sheesh.